I WANT TO GET SOME REST BUT AT THE SAME TIME I STILL LOVE YOU

Don't know why these few days i keep thinking about you, maybe is because i have nothing to do, so my mind wanna bring back those memories to me. I rather choose to make myself busy rather than thinking of you, cos i know when i start to do it, i will send some stupid messages to you. And it will make you getting far far away from me. Breaking up with you was like a nightmare for me. I wish that i can wake up and everything will be fine again. But somehow it doesn't happen like what i wish to be. During these few days, after been talking to some friends, i had made a decision and i will stick to it. " YOU WILL BE MY ONLY ONE AND YOU WILL BE THE QUEEN OF MY HEART FOREVER. IN MY HEART, YOU STILL IS MY LOVER, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU GONNA FORCE ME, I WILL STICK ON MY DECISION, YOU STILL IS MY LOVER FROM LAST TIME TILL NOW!!"

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I started feeling sick and tired with my life here. Seems like there is no hope and direction. Is it breaking up with you really change me a lot?? I don't have any idea. I just wish that i can go somewhere and start my life again. I don't want to be an actress anymore. I don't want to have 2 different people in me. I want you to know,only want to talk and share everything to you, but will you give me a chance to talk?? I HATE MYSELF, I HATE MY LIFE! I WISH I CAN WALK AWAY AND LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND. Do you know how suffer i am? Need to pretend/ act differently from what im feeling now just to hide my real feeling? Be honest, there is no one in this world that know exactly what im thinking, understand most of my particular, attitude and so on. I hope there is someone, that someone is you, but i guess you already throw everything out of your mind....................................................................